Where's the funny?

So I have fallen into a black hole. I mean that in the figurative sense not the sexually suggestive sense... Or do I? Ever since I was unable to find work in the great city of Chicago guess what I did! Hooray I settled! I moved back to Missoula and now I'm working for an insurance company as a customer service rep. I knew I would get something out of going to comedy writing school! So I ask myself, "Where's the Funny?" Is it still lying in bed in a basement apartment that is underneath a unitarian universalist church; trying to toss and turn and fall asleep until that damn service is over? Or was it lost at a bar in Chicago, as I performed comedy for crickets at Schubas? In either case it's a good question. Living by the words of my Father who now doesn't recall ever stating, to see the humor in everything; I cant help but laugh at myself and my epic failures. I have run into a string of bad luck, but when it rains it pours and when it pours it hails and when it hails hitler, Jews get fucked sir. I am the catcher as fate is pitching a lengthy throbbing girthy pole of COME ON! REALLY?!?! I'd like to think in my distorted view of reality, and watching too many documentaries to think that I now have a leg up on society, that I captain Jew Winkler have been amply screwed in the latest series of events.

So how does one bitch about themselves and have readers understand what's going on without advertising the poor decisions and sounding whiny. Well I guess I could just replace my name with "this guy I know." Or even better yet just tell a fictitious story about Gary Coleman, he's dead, he won't mind. (that is offensive!) One night as Gary Coleman was drinking princess beers and jello shots, and many other of his favorite small drinks in a tiny bar... you know what, I'm changing our hero to Lindsey Lohan on the basis that no one gives two shits about her and as monty python tells us, it's funny to have men portray themselves as a woman. So one night as Lindsey Lohan was out drinking protein shakes she got a great idea to become somebody and decided to pack up to the big city. She moved with a dream in her heart and innocent intentions and this is an awful way to tell a story because its now turning into Lindsey Lohan's true story, for we all know she's a whore now. I am now switching back to sarcastic Peter mode.

I don't know man, dude, baby, whoever you are reading this, I am living the bummer life and soon I hope my polished turd of a script I submitted to the writers on the verge program will be accepted and I'll be super duper famous, and everyone will love me, and all my dreams will come true, judd apatow will be jealous of me, everyone will want to have my baby, and when I die a very disgustingly rich fat man, there will be a riot on who gets my organs transplanted in them. It will be awesome. That's really what I wanted to say this entire time, glad I was able to put it into words. Also, I'd like to eat a bald eagle, just one. I'm not asking for much...

Ok, so I know this wasn't much of an update, more like thought diarrhea, but thems the brakes, more bipolar thoughts to come! Huzzah! So where's the funny? Probably flushed away in these random thoughts, oh bitterness...

Finally Internet, and an update

Hello everyone! I am settled into my new place in Chicago and I have seen quite a bit and done soo much! I first moved out here on the train so no furniture or car, and I have found a tv, tv stand end tables and a couch on craigslist for under $50, which in my mind is fuckin sweet. I feel like I could write a blog about every day so far here. I'll just go over the important stuff.

So when my brother and I first got here we had about 11 bags and 4 boxes to move from the train station to my place. We were pretty lucky because the train station has these guys called "red caps" who will put all your shit onto a cart the drive and take it out of the station straight to the cab. We found a van cab, packed the crap out of it, and then took it to my house. Now here's the part that pisses me off. In the cap they have a menu and on that menu it says that helping out with bags and luggage is no extra cost... technically. Now the cab ride cost 14 bucks, and I gave him a 20 and told him to keep the change and then he goes up to my brother and says that I need to tip him more! That money grubbin ass clown! I told him to get out of here and he didn't put up any sort of a fight just drove away. They'll try to get as much money as they can out here. I had a cab driver who on "accident" charged me 2 dollars more than what I owed, or people will short change you, so if you come out to Chicago, you count your change and make sure your bill is the right one. Oh man today I don't want to write alot, I've been writing all day for my stand up course and comedy writing class. So I'll leave you with this, I have been using the free Internet at a cool coffee place called the Noble tree and I thought it was funny but on the 3rd floor of this coffee shop, they have couches and what not to chill out on, but there was this guy who just sleeps up there. I thought he was a homeless guy but saw that he had a laptop but never uses it, so maybe he's using a broken laptop to bullshit his way into this coffee shop. I took a photo of him and that's him. I just forgot about it but 3 days later I went back, and that son of a bitch was there again. I'd like to say he's definitely homeless. More to come.